


What Do We Do With...

by A_Love_Song_She_Wrote



Category: Tales of Arcadia (Cartoons)
Genre: Douxie woke up and decided to cause problems on purpose, Drunken Flirting, Drunkenness, Healing, Magic, Near Death Experiences, Other, archie needs a vacation, assassin!reader, but not really, douxie is a little shit, mild coffee shop au, nari is a little shit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-03
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-14 11:21:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29170266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_Love_Song_She_Wrote/pseuds/A_Love_Song_She_Wrote
Summary: You’re a badass bounty hunter sent by the Arcane Order to kill one Hisirdoux Casperan.  There’s just one problem.  He’s literally to nice to kill.  Through an unfortunate series of events, he almost dies anyway, and it's up to you to save his life.Also, I lied, there's a second problem.  He thinks you're kinda cute.
Relationships: Hisirdoux "Douxie" Casperan/Reader
Comments: 6
Kudos: 11





	1. A Sad Bounty Hunter

**Author's Note:**

> are all the titles based off of a sea shanty? yeah.

You never expect a barista to be a deadly bounty hunter, but sometimes they just are. This was a lesson Douxie had to learn, and you were glad to teach him. 

You’d been posing as a coffee shop employee for a  _ while, _ spending most shifts watching the wizard working in the attached book store. The man really let his guard down while on shift. Or maybe he didn’t. You never really got close enough to tell. You did, however, get close enough to see what a good person he was. Whether he was assisting a lost child, an elderly patron, or a coworker, the boy  _ exuded  _ kindness. He was cute and charming and a bit of a cheek, which you were always down for. Also, he said ‘Fuzzbuckets’ instead of ‘fuck,’ which you loved. The kindness, though, that was sickening,  _ sickening _ in your opinion. That’s a lie you told yourself. You tell a lot of those, watch out for them. 

In truth, the wizard’s kindness was what kept him alive. Usually, when someone had a price on their head, they weren’t a very good person. You’d brought in killers, magical dictators, and man-eating monsters, but you’d never had a target quite like Hisirdoux Casperan. 

So, you hesitated. Every time you got a chance to kill him, you waited, biding your time and lying to yourself. Mission failed, we’ll get him next time, except there was never a next time. You had the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair, and your moral compass was a roulette wheel, but you still felt guilty about taking the life of someone so  _ good. _ You knew the world would be a darker place without him in it, and the world you’d seen needed as much light as it could get.

Unfortunately, your sudden sense of morality was about to cause several problems. The group who’d put the price on Casperan’s head in the first place (the Arcane Posse or something?) were growing impatient. They wanted the poor man dead and they wanted it as soon as possible, so they did what anyone else would do and hired someone  _ else  _ to kill him. In any other situation, you may have been offended. You were a professional, and you were taking your time, so the Posse could sit there and wait, ok? In this particular case, though, you knew deep down that you had no plans to take the wizard’s life.

So, no, this time you weren’t offended. You were determined. That wizard dude was a good person and you were  _ determined _ to keep him alive. With that determination on your side, you kept calm and carried on, breaking into Douxie’s apartment like any rational bounty hunter turned bodyguard, completely unaware of the mess you were about to crash into. 

It was safe to say that the wizard was more than a little surprised when you smashed through his window, “FUZZBUCKETS, WHAT THE H- wait a tick, don’t you work at the coffee shop?”

You nodded, glad that he remembered you. It can be nice to be perceived, “Yeah, I do, and I was supposed to kill you but I decided against it. Anyway, your life is in danger, so come with me if you want to live.”

His mouth dropped open, his brow furrowed, and you watched his eyes cloud over as he searched desperately for a response to that. He was spared from that, though, by the small green being who walked into the room, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. She was probably the forest child that the Arcane Posse wanted so badly. On her shoulder sat a black cat. He was wearing glasses, and you weren’t sure if he actually needed them, or if it was a stylistic choice. When the forest child started speaking, you decided it didn’t matter.

“Douxie? Who is this?”

“Uh, this is-”

“I’m (Y/N). I was sent by the Arcane to kill Douxie, but I took too long and now we’re all in deep shit.”

The cat leapt off the forest child’s shoulder and landed, gracefully, on the floor, “Wonderful. Simply fantastic. Why should we believe you? We don’t know who you are, and this could be a ploy to kill all of us.”

You wanted to roll your eyes, but the cat had a good point, so you just answered him, “You should believe me because I haven’t killed you yet. Now, we should run, because the new assassin’ll be here soon, and he won’t hesitate as I did.”

Douxie shook his head while his cat kept up the conversation, “That isn’t a great defence. Did you not say you were sent to kill Douxie?”

“I did, and that kind of proves my point. Why would I tell you I was here to kill him if I still wanted to kill him?”

“To make us think you weren’t going to kill him!”

“That isn’t working for me very well, is it?”

“Of course it’s not! You’re just here to kill him!”

“I am not!”

“Oh come off it, you obviously are!”

“No I am not, if I wanted to I would have done it already!”

“Or is that just a ploy!?”

“Okay, both of you shut it,” the wizard you were arguing over was rubbing his temples and trying very hard not to scream. He was not in the mood for this. All he wanted was a cup of tea, and then his cute coworker turned would-be assassin broke into his house and caused  _ problems. _ Probably on purpose. This was not his day.

You took in Douxie’s state and sighed. You wanted to protect him, not give him a headache. Whatever, it didn’t matter, you could still watch him from afar, “Look, if you don’t want to listen, fine. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. For now, I’m out. See you at work.”

And with that, you walked towards the door, fully intending to walk out like a civilized human being after breaking in like some common bitch.

The cat snorted, something you were unaware that cats could do, “Good riddance.”

You’d almost reached your destination when you felt a small tug on your pants. It was the green being, Nari. She stared up at you with huge yellow eyes, tilting her head slightly. You mirrored her actions until she looked up at Douxie.

“You should believe them. The Order has many servants at their disposal, but none of them would admit it so willingly.”

Ohhhhhhhh, the Arcane  _ Order. _ You were still going to call them the Arcane Posse, at least internally. 

Douxie, unaware of your silent discovery, sighed and crossed the room to your side, kneeling down to Nari’s height, just as he did when speaking to small children at the bookstore. It reminded you of why you were here.

“Nari, are you  _ sure _ we can trust them?”

“Yes. I trust that they will protect us.”

You smirked while the talking cat groaned, “Douxie, you aren’t  _ actually _ considering this, are you?”

The wizard sighed, closing his eyes and burying his head in his hands. He did not need this right now. What he needed was a nap and a cup of tea. Instead, he had a cute assassin, a troubled forest spirit, and a grumpy familiar, all of them on his ass to make a choice. When did this become his life? Probably when Merlin died. He didn’t have time to spiral, though, he had to make a decision, and  _ yes, _ he  _ was _ considering this.

And when he said as much, a smile split your face.

Despite the situation, Douxie found your cheeky grin a nice sight to see. Nice, especially, in contrast to his very dramatic familiar who, at that moment, had his head shoved against a wall in general disappointment. The wizard felt bad, but you didn’t care too much. You were just glad you could keep them safe. 

“Alright then,” you said, cracking your neck, “Here’s the plan.”


	2. A Gosh Darn Assassin

Whatever your plan was, it really didn’t matter. As soon as the four of you left the apartment, you were under attack. A blast of white magic brought your attention to the source of it.

The new assassin, James??? Maybe??? Loomed large in front of you, floating above your small group, glaring down upon you. His white cloak flowed in the wind, making him look a bit like a ghost. You would have appreciated the drama in his outfit, but he was sort of trying to kill three of you and abduct the fourth, so you didn’t have a lot of time for drama appreciation.

Douxie pushed Nari and the talking cat (whose name, you’d learned, was Archie) behind him in an attempt to keep them safe. You stood next to the wizard and drew an axe from thin air. Magic! Yay! Your focus was so centred on the oncoming fight that you missed Douxie’s small smirk at your weapon of choice. After all, his own weapon was technically an axe.

And you didn’t miss that!! You were very close to getting distracted by the sudden magic guitar! Then a blast of blinding magic came your way and you had to scramble to avoid getting smote. Douxie did the same, and the fight was on.

So, this new assassin was very clearly a  _ new _ assassin. James’s attacks were very straightforward and very focused on Douxie. He mostly ignored you, the other very present and threatening threat. 

You weren’t complaining. It allowed you to get  _ many _ hits in.

You shot your own purple magic at the floating killer, using your axe as a conductor, firing spell after spell while Douxie dodged and weaved around the attacks aimed at him. While you were causing major damage, James still didn’t acknowledge your existence, you decided to just… throw your axe at him. It worked surprisingly well, and James was distracted. True, it was only for a moment, but it was enough time for Douxie to actually attack rather than keep running away. A smile flashed across your face as blue magic lit up the street. Too soon, James had regained his bearings, and you were back in the same pattern as before.

You would attack, over and over again while Douxie tried not to die until you got tired of being ignored and threw something at that punk-ass assassin. 

You threw many things. Your axe (again,) one of your shoes, a trash can, a trash can  _ lid, _ a potted plant, your axe (again, again,) a door, a fire extinguisher, a folding chair, your axe (you know the drill,) and Archie. 

Archie turned out to be the most effective projectile considering he was not  _ just _ a cat and was, instead, a flamethrowing shapeshifter. That, you had to admit, was pretty dope. 

The flames  _ really _ took James out of his element, and that gave you the time you needed to throw  _ yourself _ at the assassin.

You took a deep breath, preparing yourself for the epic shit that was about to go down. Then, you ran straight, parkouring up a building and leaping at the assassin. Your weight knocked him off-balance and brought him to the ground. 

_ Finally, _ the new assassin smartened up and went after you. The fight was significantly less enjoyable after that. James’s sucky strategy was balanced out by his  _ insane strength.  _

You called your axe back to your hand just in time for it to stop a blow from the assassin’s staff. You exchanged blows for a few minutes, parry for thrust, thrust for block, sword fighting with a magical staff and a magical axe. You honestly expected Douxie to grab his cat, his forest child, and run, but at the exact moment you were finally disarmed, a guitar joined the fray. 

Douxie took your place in that old song and dance for a minute while you looked around desperately for some way to help. Your eyes landed on your axe, and you seized the handle, spinning it once before you tried to sneak up behind James.

I say “tried” because you failed at that.

Spectacularly.

The assassin whirled around and struck you in the chest with his staff. White metal  _ slammed _ into your ribs, probably cracking a few and leaving you breathless. You coughed and dropped your axe, falling and falling  _ hard, _ scraping your hands and knees. There wasn’t even time to catch your breath.

You scrambled away, avoiding spell after spell until you felt something solid against your back. You were trapped. You didn’t even have time to turn around and see what you were stuck against, you were too busy trying not to die. To be completely honest, you thought this would be your last fight, that this fuckin newbie assassin would be the end of you. And you were… okay with it. If you went out saving someone who you  _ knew _ could and would save others? Maybe death wouldn’t be so bad.

You looked into the eyes of your would-be killer as he aimed a final spell at you. Your vision lit up white for a moment, and you were waiting for the end. You waited for the pain of a killing blow. 

But you felt nothing.

You felt nothing because that dumbass mother _ fucker, _ _ Hisirdoux Casperan, _ did the  _ most _ in-character thing possible and  _ took the blow for you. _

The world was silent.

You weren’t sure if it was you, or if everyone around you was just as shocked as you felt, but for a few moments, there was no sound. Just the faint buzz of energy and an innocent man gasping his last.

You raced to Douxie’s side before anyone else had the chance to move. You completely ignored James running off into the night, you ignored Nari’s panicked state, and Archie scratching the shit out of your arm trying to keep you away from his boy. No, you only had eyes for one man, and he was  _ dying. _

You brushed his hair out of his eyes, “Douxie? Douxie!? Stay with me you  _ fucking _ _ twink, _ stay with me,” he was not staying with you. Your voice became more and more frantic as his eyes slowly shut, “Come  _ on, _ you  _ idiot, _ don’t  _ do _ this!”

“I DON’T SEE HOW INSULTING HIM HELPS!”

“Shhh, sh, shh, sh, shhh, shh, sh, silence, Archie, I have a plan.”

And you did. You did have a plan. Of course you did, you weren’t about to risk your life and livelihood for a dead guy. You just weren’t sure how well this plan would work. 

With a deep breath, you planted one hand on Douxie’s chest and wrapped your other hand around your wrist. With another breath, you relaxed your body, unclenching your jaw, dropping your shoulders, and closing your eyes. With the third breath, you set yourself free. Magic flowed from you like music in the air, like a slow-moving stream. It danced in the air for a moment before collecting in and over your hands, encircling them in an intricate pattern. With your final breath, your magic settled into Douxie’s body.

There was a pause.

And then the wizard boy took a shaky breath and sat up so fast he almost hit you. Archie and Nari sprung forward, happy to see that their boy was alive. You, however, slumped back, exhausted by your show of force.

As beautiful as the moment was, something was wrong. Something was  _ very _ wrong.

“Alright guys, we have to get to my apartment, let’s go-” you said, standing.

Archie and Nari looked at each other, then looked at you, “Uh, (Y/N)?”

“What, what is it?”

“Douxie is, uh-”

You tilted your head and moved closer to the wizard, still flat on his back, “Douxie? You need help?”

“Yesssss.”

You sighed, glad that this was the extent of things before you leaned down and offered him a hand. 

That’s when he pulled you to the ground beside him. And then he started  _ giggling. _

It was just as you’d feared. Your healing spell hadn’t just brought Douxie back to life.

It made him fucking  _ drunk. _


	3. A Drunken Wizard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact, the tumblr version of this chapter doesn't have the italics. rip tumblr

Sometimes, you get into a fight and you die. Sometimes, you get into a fight and you win. And Sometimes, you get into a fight and it leaves you with an angry familiar, a confused forest spirit, and a drunk wizard.

And that’s where you were, lying flat on your back next to a wizard who’d just narrowly escaped an assassination attempt with the help of another would-be assassin (you) only to get hysterically drunk because of a spell used to save his life. 

On your other side, Archie and Nari looked on, concerned, and maybe amused. You couldn’t really blame them, in any other situation, Douxie’s laughter would have been contagious, but at that moment, you just wanted a nap.

You groaned, got to your feet, and for the next fifteen minutes, you tried to convince Douxie that the road was not, in fact, a nice place to sleep, and he needed to come with you to your apartment. It took fifteen minutes too long in your opinion, but eventually, he allowed you and Nari to help him stand.

He immediately put all of his weight on you, which almost sent you to the ground again. He wasn’t even that heavy, you just weren’t expecting it. You struggled to get your balance back, but it was a smidge difficult when Douxie was taking _ small steps in your direction. _ If you didn’t know any better, you’d say that he was making this harder than it needed to be on  _ purpose. _ Dick.

In all fairness, you had been sent to kill him, so it was understandable that he wouldn’t make anything you did easy. Then again, you’d just saved his life, so maybe he owed you some peace. And then _ again,  _ he may not have  _ been _ in danger if not for you. It was a whole complicated web that you pondered on, on your way home and then never thought of again. You didn’t want to. It made your head hurt.

While you spent your walk lost in thought, Archie spent his in worry. His familiar had almost died today making this the second near-death/actual death experience in about eight months. Seeing Douxie hurt was never a good thing, but seeing him so  _ close _ to the abyss broke something in the poor dragon every time it happened. Despite his dislike for you, he supposed, on some level, he had to be thankful. You’d saved his boy. However! You still had time to commit murder, and if you tried anything, you would have a very angry shapeshifter on your hands.

While you and Archie lost yourselves on the walk, Nari found that Douxie may not have been as drunk as he seemed. She watched his face, at first with concern, and then with confusion. Yes, he stumbled around like a man with too much ale in his blood, but his face… well, that seemed out of it too, but every now and then a look would come over his features. There was a glint in his eyes, and the ghost of a smirk on his lips. If she didn’t know any better, Nari would say that Douxie was messing with you. Her theory, however, would need more time and more evidence. 

Fortunately, all of you had just that. Time. Your apartment had just come into view, and that meant some element of safety. You tried to pick up the pace as you drew nearer to it, but that plan didn’t exactly work thanks to Douxie throwing his  _ entire weight at you for no reason. _ As soon as you knew he would be okay, you were going to kill him. Metaphorically. 

In addition to knocking you off balance, Douxie also decided that now was the time to sing sea shanties. At any other time, you would have found it cute, the way the words flowed off his tongue and drifted in the night sky. The way the lyrics melded together as some were forgotten and others were stressed made for one hell of a lullaby. It was… nice, actually. Nice and odd, because he almost didn’t sound all that drunk, but then he yelled something about texting and ravens and you forgot about his moment of clarity. He was very clearly spell-drunk.

It was a bit of a struggle to get into your building. You probably couldn’t have done it without Nari’s help, and by help, I mean she took your keys and let you in while you struggled to hold up Douxie. The stairs in your complex posed another problem, and with no other conceivable solution, you dragged the poor wizard up the stairs. You would have used magic if you’d had enough left, but alas, bringing a man back from the grave really takes it out of you. You apologized with every step. Douxie seemed to forgive you. Archie did not.

"This can’t be good for him."

"Well, if you can think of another option, be my guest."

"Is there no way for you to lift him?"

"Listen up, cat-man, my ribs are  _ cracked. _ My hands and legs hurt as it is and I’m  _ out _ of magic. If there was another way, I’d do it, but right now this is all I’ve got, so  _ let me have this." _

The familiar grumbled something that sounded like a "Fine," and leapt up a few stairs to walk in front of you despite not knowing where he was going. You let him. It was clear he needed some time. Nari, on the other hand, walked beside you, staring intently at Douxie’s face. You didn’t ask questions about that one.

After the old song and dance of getting Nari to let you in to your apartment, you all but kicked the door open. You were, by then, just glad to be home and ready to collapse, but nooooooooo. No, fate had a twist in its pocket and it was not happy to see you. Karma had a little kiss in store, and you were not looking forward to it. Out of all the days for the universe to enact vengeance for all of your sins, it had to be this day. This one in particular. Because the universe hates you I guess. Divine punishment or otherwise, you didn’t have time to ponder it further. You had a drunken wizard to take care of.

You stumbled through your doorway, struggled to turn on the light, and made your way into your living room. All of this was made much more difficult by everyone’s favourite wizard swaying non-stop. As soon as you could, you dumped him onto your couch in a fashion that was perhaps a little rougher than necessary. You were relieved, but your actions earned you a swat from Archie.

"Come on now, be  _ gentle  _ with him."

"I’m trying! It’s a little difficult when he’s  _ drunk." _

"He is not  _ drunk _ . He's spellbound."

"Whatever, it’s basically the same thing," you sighed, running a hand through your hair and doing your best to assess the situation. 

The man you were sent to kill was lying defenceless on your couch, and instead of killing him, you were going to keep his ass alive. His eyes were closed, but he was breathing. That was a good thing, generally, though it was possible he was breathing a little too fast. Without thinking, you grabbed his wrist and took his pulse. You almost thought, for a moment, that his breath hitched, but you ignored that in favour of paying attention to your task. The pulse beneath your fingers was faint but fast. Not a great combo. Overall, this was not looking good, but then your eyes roamed downwards and everything got worse. A large dark spot covered the side of Douxie’s shirt. Biting your lip, you brushed your fingers against the edge of the stain. They came back red. Blood. Great.

You stood, groaning and wiping the blood off on your shirt and turning to Archie, "I have to get a first aid kit, I’ll be back in a-"

Before you could finish, Douxie made a noise somewhere between a squeak and a moan. Whatever it was, it got your attention.

"Y'know, you're  _ wayyyy  _ too stressed to be an assassin. I've met other assassins, they're always soooo calmmmmmmmm. I think they may be smoking something. Arch, do you think they're smoking something?? Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, you don't smoke anything."

You and Archie shared a very concerned look before you finally decided to respond, "You have no way of knowing that. And you smoke cloves behind the bookstore, so don’t even-" you cut yourself off with another sigh, "Look, just lie down, ok? Try to relax, I’ll be back soon."

You didn’t even manage to take a step before Douxie spoke again, "Hehe, they’re right Arch! I freaking love cloves!!"

Then the man continued to laugh and wiggle around on your couch in a way that may remind some of a gleeful slug. You just buried your head in your hands and tried not to scream. Despite all the stress, some part of you noticed that he still wasn’t wearing. It was… admirable.

Admiration, however, would not stop this fucker from wiggling around on your couch and potentially injuring himself further, so you called Nari over while you tried to get the wizard to sit still for one fucking second.

"Nari, hi, I need you to go into that room over there," you pointed towards your bathroom, "And get me the white plastic box with the red cross on it. It should be on the counter. Can you do that for me?"

The forest spirit took a moment, looking at Douxie suspiciously. You, of course, thought her apprehension was for you, and so you begged the small veggie lady to grab the first aid kid. Noting the mild desperation in your tone, she did as she was asked. You had no time to celebrate your small victory, though. You were stuck trying to keep the drunk wizard on your couch from rolling off of it. It was a struggle that saw your phone fly across the room, his hoodie hit you in the face, and your jacket ended up on your ceiling fan, but in the end, it didn’t matter because Nari brought back the safety kit. 

You let out another sigh, this one a sigh of relief. You could finally start working on that wound… as soon as you took Douxie’s shirt off. This was going to be difficult, wasn’t it?

Subconsciously brushing a strand of hair out of the wizard’s eyes, you lowered our voice in an attempt to calm him down, "Ok, listen up, bud. I need to get a look at the spot where that spell hit you, okay? For me to do that, I need you to take off your shirt."

He rolled a little more before stopping to look at you. It wasn’t the best time for it, but at that exact moment, you realized how pretty his eyes were. You were so distracted, in fact, that you missed most of what he was saying. Don’t worry, it was literally, "Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, whyyyy?" and you caught the last bit so you didn’t miss much.

Battling another sigh, you replied, "I just told you. I need to see the impact spot."

"Nghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?"

Was this what a stroke felt like? Were you having some kind of aneurysm? Had you died somewhere in the street and gone straight to hell? Because that’s kind of what it felt like. True, you hadn’t expected hell to have nearly as many attractive wizards, but you  _ had _ expected them to be drunk.

Running out of hope and options, you turned to Archie, hoping that the familiar would lend you a hand… paw? A whatever got the drunk dumbass on your couch to take his shirt off, "Archie, my man, my bro, my dude, can you please?"

"You got yourself into this mess, you can get yourself out of it."

"You aren’t invited to my birthday party. Nari is, but you? You  _ suck." _

Archie shrugged, not caring too much about your epic threat. You fixed the brat cat with a glare before turning back to Douxie. You were not having a good time.

"Ok, listen up, dude. I’m taking off your shirt and you’re just gonna have to deal with that."

"Sakjlfaklsdhfkasjdfhk."

Well. That didn’t sound right. Raising an eyebrow in confusion, you turned once again to Nari, your only ally in the fight against drunks and their unhelpful cats.

“Nari, hi, sorry to ask this of you, but could you do me a favour and grab that flat purple rectangle on the other side of the room? It’s my phone. I want to use it to see if he has a concussion.”

The little forest spirit continued to be the best and brought you your phone, as asked. Douxie squinted pretty hard against the bright beam of light you shone directly into his eyeballs, but you still managed to get a good look. No concussion, thank god. He really was just incredibly drunk. 

While you tried not to pass out from relief, Nari glared right through the wizard. Something was up. Like,  _ really _ up, she could tell that much. She just wasn’t sure what it was, other than the obvious intoxication. These matters required further investigation.

You were, however, too busy to investigate much of anything. Instead, you were struggling with Douxie and trying to get his damn shirt off. Once you did, you had to stop for a full minute, because all of your worst fears had just been realized.

_ He was hot. _

_ Really _ hot. 

And he had tattoos. Even though you’d been following him for months now, you’d somehow missed those tattoos, and boy howdy did you regret that. They were… beautiful. There was no other word for them, they were just beautiful. You were entranced, entirely, by the black sigils twisting across his chest. You didn’t even realize you’d reached out to touch one until Archie gave you a little swat.

“Focus, damn it!!”

“Ahh, yeah, sorry, sorry,” you said, scrambling to collect yourself. Almost immediately after getting it together, you found what you were looking for.

The skin where the other assassin hit Douxie was burnt, bruised and bleeding. The sight of it sent a sharp jolt down your spine, and you had to bite your tongue to keep from gasping. You began your work on the injury as soon as you recover from your shocked state. It didn’t take long for you to calm down and get to work, but it did take a  _ while _ for Douxie to start taking things seriously. In fact, he continued to writhe and wriggle on your couch until you couldn’t take it anymore.

“Can you sit still for  _ two seconds?" _

If you didn’t know any better, you’d say he laughed at you for that comment. With a dumb smile on his dumb face, he placed a hand on your wrist where it hovered over his side, "ehhhhhhhhhhh, calm down, I've died before."

Your blood turned to ice in your veins, as the air was knocked from your lungs. Yes you’d been trailing him, and yes you’d been ordered to kill him, but that little note had not been included in the job description. You’d stopped in your face, your shock and horror evident on your face.

“Assassin??? You okay???”

“I… I’m fine. But you aren’t, so let’s keep you from dying again, shall we?”

"Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, I don't careeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee."

You and Archie shared your thirteenth concerned look of the night, "Is he always like this??"

"No. No, he’s not. What on  _ earth _ did you do to him?"

_ "Nothing!  _ I did nothing, I-I tried to  _ save _ him..."

Archie scrunched up his small cat nose, "That brings up another question, why would you do that?"

You didn't answer, preferring not to face the truth of that matter. Instead, you kept working until the poor drunk wizard grabbed your wrists again and sent you straight to hell with, “Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm, you have nice hands.”

In your confusion, you and the familiar raised your brows in synch, "Excuse me?"

"Nice hands. The whole person is nice actually... y'know for an assassin you're kinda cute"

You’d officially lost count of the number of times you’d gone into shock since breaking into the wizard’s apartment. He… he should  _ not _ have said that. __ Archie agreed.

"Douxie, old friend, I love you, but  _ what are you saying?" _

You bit your lip, the man’s words drowning you in anxiety, "He-he's only saying this because he's drunk. We… we just need to get him to eat something and he'll snap out of it"

Archie’s entire face was distorted with concern, "Are you sure?"

"No."

Douxie groaned, not caring about your little debate, "Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, I'm not wrong though, am I? I'm not. You're adorable, darling."

You choked a little bit, "OK, THE BURN IS BETTER, I'M GONNA MAKE HIM A SANDWICH."

"Good idea-"

You moved into the kitchen and heard from the other room, "Assassinnnn? Where did you gooooooooooooo?"

"They’re in the kitchen, Douxie."

"... I miss them."

You slammed your head into the fridge. He  _ should not be flirting with you _ . Or  _ trusting _ you at all for that matter. You couldn't tell if it was because your magic had saved him or if it was something else entirely, but he was trusting you way too much. That… the way he was acting was entirely ridiculous, because you? You could  _ really hurt him if you wanted.  _ You didn't want to, but... you could. You moved back and away and pulled open the fridge.

Meanwhile, in the other room, Douxie was not, in fact, as drunk as he was pretending to be. It turns out, Nari was  _ very  _ correct in her theory. Douxie was  _ hurt, yes _ . The leftover pain from that spell hurt lit his entire side with scorching anguish, but he was  _ very thankful _ to you for not letting him die. Thankful, indeed. But also, he wanted to fuck with you a little bit. To be fair, you were assigned to kill him and his familiar, and kidnap his forest child, so you kind of deserved it. Besides, Douxie hadn’t had the chance to mess with Archie in years. He had that chance now, and he wouldn’t squander it.

Douxie tried to keep the smirk off his face as he (purposefully) rolled off the couch, the whole time crying out, "Aaaaah, oooooooooooooooof, oh nooooooooooooooooooooooooo."

You had no idea, however, that this was a farce, so you ran into the living room, sliding into the wall a little, slipping across the floor. As you did, you yelled, "WHA HAPPEN!!! Is he okay? ARE YOU OKAY?"

All you just heard was a demented giggle coming from the couch.

"Hey there darling~"

You dropped to the floor, thanking whatever gods were out there that he was fine, "Jesus  _ Christ, _ Casperan! Why are you like this?"

"BECAUSE YOU DID THIS TO HIM!" Archie screamed, the out of character outburst almost got Douxie to laugh. It was easy to hide, however, because of the burning pain in his side. Instead, the wizard went full-on in the other direction, letting out a groan.

"Dear  _ God," _ you muttered, hearing his groans and going to help him. Douxie stopped groaning. The feeling of your hands brushing over his shoulders was not bad in the slightest. You pulled him up, and helped him back onto the couch, “Ok, Casperan, just… stay here, okay? Don't move, honey, can you do that for me?"

You didn't mean for the pet name to slip past your lips, but alas, these things happen. Still, Douxie could not help the blush that rose and burned on his cheeks. It was, truly, a sweet moment. And it was all the evidence Nari needed.

You went back into the kitchen after that. Archie followed you, wanting to make sure you didn't poison his boi which was, all things considered, fair.

Nari, however, stayed behind. The tiny forest spirit crept up next to Douxie and poked his cheek, "Douxie? I do not believe you are as impaired as you seem..."

A grin split the wizard’s face, "Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, Nari,” he whispered, “Please don't blow my cover."

"Your? Cover?"

"Yes, please, let's keep this a secret between you and me, okay?"

"But it causes Archie and the assassin such distress..."

"Well, the assassin is an assassin, and it's just  _ fun _ to mess with Archie. So, let's have some fun, eh?"

Nari tilted her head, considering her discovery for a second. It did sound like fun to ‘mess’ with you and Douxie’s familiar, as long as it was okay by the wizard himself. There was just one more thing to address, “You were not lying to the assassin. You do find them 'cute'."

It was Douxie’s turn to freeze, but for him, it only lasted a moment, "Ahh, yes, sure. Now, shhhh, We must be quiet. It’s a secret."

You came back into the room, just then, bickering away with Archie, something that was quickly becoming the norm. Douxie flopped back onto the couch before you could see him. Nari watched the wizard’s actions, slightly unimpressed. She was not the most experienced with pranks, but she figured she could do better than that. It was finally  _ her _ turn to mess with  _ all of you. _

The demigod crawled over to Douxie like the little creature she was and put a hand on his chest. With the briefest of winks afforded to the wizard, she turned to you,  _ "(Y/N)!  _ **_ Please, _ ** he is getting worse, you  _ must _ help him!"

You almost dropped the plate in your hands,  _ "Shit, _ what's wrong, what happened??"

Hiding a laugh, the spirit cried out, "His soul is fracturing into pieces!"

"wHAT?!?!?!?!?!"

You, needless to say, lost your absolute shit. Archie was in the same boat. You both panicked so hard that you missed the grin Douxie sent Nari’s way. It didn’t matter too much anyway as his smile was rudely interrupted when you threw a sandwich at his face.

"EAT THIS WHILE I FIGURE OUT WHAT THE  ** FUCK ** TO DO!"

You whipped out your phone and ran to your room to grab your laptop. With both devices in hand, you started furiously googling, scouring the internet for some kind of answer, some kind of solution to your current problem. How do you fix a fracturing soul??? You did not find any sort of answer to that question, but you did find a dope spaghetti recipe. Archie tried to help you, but it was very difficult to type with paws, and the poor familiar was too distressed to even consider shifting into something with thumbs.

Nari was not distressed. Nari was filled with delight. She almost laughed at your distress. In fact, she did laugh. To her credit, you looked kind of ridiculous. You didn’t notice her laugh, however, because Douxie covered it up with a cough and an “Aaaaaaa, no, my soulllllllllllllllllllllllllllll." Those two would surely be the death of you.

You, and Archie, who you were screaming at as you searched, “ARCHIE, WHAT DO WE DO???"

"I DON'T KNOW???"

Your hands ran through your hair, your brow furrowed, and you felt like you might start screaming. Louder. It was around then where Douxie started to feel bad. The wizard told himself that he felt that way because he’d caused Archie a little  _ too _ much distress, but he really did feel bad about you, too. You’d just saved him, and he’d… stressed you out. In all fairness, you’d also been sent to kill him. 

It shocked him when he realized he didn’t know anything about you outside of that. He worked with you for a time. He’d seen you around. Even now, he was here, lying on your couch, shirtless and bandaged because of you, and yet… he didn't know anything about you. You were just the cute coworker who saved his life. No, you were just the cute  _ assassin _ who saved his life

But you hadn't tried to kill him yet, so… Getting to know you would be worth a try.

"Did you fall from heaven? Cause it looks like you… fell..." Nope, that wasn’t right.

Douxie sat there for a moment, contemplating the words that had just come out of his own mouth. To be fair, you did look a bit like you’d just fallen down. Your hair was a mess, your clothes were spattered with blood that Douxie noted was probably his, and your left arm was badly scratched. Then he remembered, you had actually fallen. He thanked the gods that you weren’t paying too much attention to him, but the longer he looked at your arm, the more concerned he grew.

“I’m… I’m serious, are you alright? Your arm looks-”

“I-I’m fine. I’m fine, I- _ are you okay??????" _

It didn’t seem like you’d fully heard him. Your attention was, after all, fully on your computer screen.

Douxie struggled to sit up, “I'm just fine now that I know you’re alright, darling. I’m glad you’re okay, but you really should take a look at that arm."

"tHANKS, I MIGHT LATER."

By then, your freakout was kind of sad. Douxie enjoyed messing with you, but he also knew when enough was enough. It was time to put an end to this. With Nari’s help, he stood and limped forward until he was standing behind you. He stood there for a moment until he slumped forward, slinging one arm around your shoulders and tangling the other hand in Archie's fur, "I really am touched by all this, but the two of you should know that I am actually fine."

You stopped moving. For a second, Douxie thought you were dead. You were not that, but at that point, you kind of wanted to be.

"YOU MOTHER FU-"

"DOUXIE, YOU FOOLISH BOY!" Archie yelled as he did what anyone would do in that situation, pouncing on Douxie’s chest and knocking him to the ground.

"Ahh, watch the side please!"

"You’d better watch  _ yourself, _ young man! You scared the life out of me! I swear, one of these days you’ll give me a heart attack! You f-”

You didn’t really hear the rest of that rant. You were in shock for the fiftieth time that night, and you were seriously considering giving up. For now, though, you just leaned on the coffee table behind you. 

Nari, the teensy forest creature crawled over to you and put a hand on your leg. It seemed she also felt bad for her actions, "If it is any consolation, Douxie was not lying about your ‘cuteness’. He does, in fact, find you very cute"

Your face was very suddenly the temperature of an oven.

"Nariiiii," Douxie whined from the other side of the room, not from the pain this time but for dramatic effect, “That was a secret!”

"Apologies douxie, but I felt-"

"Oh, please don't say you felt sorry for your actions, Nari,” you sighed, “Something tells me this wasn’t entirely your idea.”

"Sor- oh"

Archie then jumped off of his familiar, allowing the wizard to stand and extend a hand to you, "Well, you’re right about that. Though, I am sorry. I just saw a chance to mess with my would-be assassin and I-"

"And you took it.  _ Man _ , you're dumb."

"I beg your pardon?"

"Then beg! I am your  _ would-be assassin _ and you tried to  _ mess with me.  _ **_ I could've killed you, you IDiot!!" _ **

"Well-"

"They’re right, Douxie. This was not your brightest hour," Archie agreed with you, which was both insane and evidence that you two were right.

"I’m  _ sorry, _ I’m sorry. I know it wasn't the best decision, and I know I scared you, but I’m okay, I swear it. And I must admit, that was _ fun." _

You put your head in your hands and rubbed your temples, “Just eat your fuckin sandwich, you prick."

That got a little laugh from him. Sure, it hurt his side, but it was worth it, “I’ll eat as soon as you look at your arm.”

“No.”

“Then at the very least let me look at it.”

You let out a long, intense groan before looking up at the man who was sure to fill your future with torment and anxiety, “Fine. You have five minutes.”

The wizard moved fast and had your arm bandaged safely within the time constraint. He wasn’t quick enough to avoid a sarcastic, “Oh no, my arm, I’m dyinggggg,” though.

As soon as that was done, you pushed the wizard back onto the couch and glared at him until he started eating. True, he wasn’t drunk, but he’d almost died, so it was probably a good idea to get some sort of food into his system. While he ate something for once in his life, you threw everything the four of you would need into a bag, and then it was time to head out.

You lingered at the door for a moment before leaving. You were used to being on the run, but you had to say, you’d grown rather attached to this place. Maybe, one day, when all of this was over, you could come back.

“You alright, lovely?”

“Are you still drunk?”

“Not that I’m aware of.”

“Then yeah. I’m alright. Now, let’s go.”

And off you went, into the night.


End file.
